Failing to Remember
by DevDev
Summary: Sequel to Walking Backward in Heels and Reflections Take Two. Jubilee discovers what was meant to be.
1. Bobster and family

**A/N: Jubilee and the characters used in this story are not mine but only Marvel's own. Reviews make my world... so please, leave me some!**

**Oh, and since this is the second part of my sequel of Walking Backward in Heels (the first was Reflections Take Two) you might wanna read those first if you haven't already.**

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The heels were killing me.

But… that wasn't what was bothering me.

That man, Bobby (or so he had called himself), supposedly knew everything about me. Or at least, everything my past life was made of. I bit my lip, slowing so I could think. All these thoughts were running through my head and I couldn't stop them. Glimpses of moments that made no sense had always plagued me, but… these glimpses were something so different than the past ones. These felt like I was actually getting something. Like all this time apart from who ever I had known was there… it was just an arm reach away, but… there was something in my way. I couldn't get to those people and the memories those people brought without some help from someone who knew them and me at the same time. Bobby was that help.

With that notion, I turned around and slowly started to walk back the way I had come. But suddenly, I didn't know where I was anymore. All the streets looked exactly the same and I could barely see any of the street signs with the moonless night surrounding me. I sighed, reaching into my bag for my cell. Jimmy didn't always have his cell on him, but I was hoping that this would be one of those times where he had brought it 'just in case'.

While I was dialing, I never noticed the approaching figure. He flung my pink cell phone from my hands and it sprawled onto the gravel, the ring tones echoing through the oddly deserted street I happened to be on.

The figure circled me slowly. I tried to keep up with the shadows his body was casting, but his body seemed to blend in with the surrounding dark buildings. Even the street light above me wasn't helping in the least bit. It only distorted the shadows and pulled the two dark shades together.

"What do you want?" I held my voice high. I was trying to act not the least bit frightened, but my breathing was fast and my heart was beating out of my chest. But hopefully, seeing that I am an actress, I seemed convincing. Out of the darkness came a hand that gripped my wrist. Along with the hand came a dark, dirty face. As dark as his teeth were and as dark as the night was, his beard was even darker.

"Pretty gals like you shouldn'a be out on'a night like this one." He smiled and looked my body over.

"I have money… I could give you money. I have money."

"Don't want no money, gal." My lower lip trembled as he began to caress my exposed neck with his callused hands. I tried to force my body away from his strong ones, but he held me close. My cell phone was only a few feet away, but I knew I could never get to it quick enough.

A fear inside of me began to grow. I shivered as he continued to caress my upper arms and neck. A familiar feeling came upon me and erupted inside of my body. Everywhere tingled and my arms became bitterly pained as he held them against his ragged clothes. Without moving, I braced myself for something I knew had to happen with this strange feeling within my body. And then,

**BAM!**

The homeless man that had been holding me was blasted to the brick wall we had been standing near. And all I could do was just hold my hands out in front of myself. I was just mystified and scared all at the same time. And although the man was blasted and unconscious, I couldn't move an inch. What had those things been? How could I produce something so beautiful and yet so hideously dangerous? The tears that hadn't had come before suddenly spread like a wild fire and I loudly began to sob. Slowly walking over to where my cell phone lay, I grasped it and held it against my chest; un-usable in it's new found condition. I started to walk, somewhat crookedly in my high-heels, forward in some direction.

I had done something… something I had never dreamt about in all the time I hadn't remembered, but something that seemed to familiar and vital in my life. But those bursts scared me. They just had come out of my hands and I didn't even know why they just came. Could I control them… or just hurt people without meaning to?

I folded my arms and hands inward, somehow believing that the bursts wouldn't come if I didn't let them. The world seemed like such a confusing place again. I couldn't tell which way was up and which way was down even when I was staring at the answer right in it's face.

When Jimmy and Bobby pulled along in a car beside me, I had made up my mind. And when Jimmy wrapped his jacket around my shivering body, I knew it was time to try and figure out who I was and most importantly _what_ I was.

* * *

"Are you sure I'm not imposing?"

"Jub- Sapphire, are you kidding me? These people…your **family**," he added quickly, "will be ecstatic to see you!" Even though I gave him a look about the name, I still smiled at him.

We were on the way to the 'X' mansion. Or well, Bobby called it the 'X' mansion, but I was a little wary about calling it that. I mean… it like sounded like some a place where someone shot porno movies or something. "You sure Jimmy will survive without you?" I shot him a mean look when he interrupted my thoughts with complete nonsense.

"Hardy har har. You're so funny I'm laughing even inside."

But the truth was, I kind of wasn't laughing inside. Okay, who's kidding? I wasn't even smiling inside. The truth was, Jimmy and I had only gotten into worse and worse arguments each and every day as I prepared for my leave. It had only begun with him being pissed about me running away from the problem… 'my problem', as he had said.

The fact was I was pissed at him. If we were supposed to be in the relationship I thought we were, my problems would've been his too. The worst had been when we were packing. Supposedly the 'X' mansion had a lot of controversial information surrounding it.

I turned my head to the window as his words repeated in my head.

* * *

_"They're freaks Saph! Listen to me, I know you want to know who you are… but you're not a freak. So don't look here… don't look at this psycho ward for a look into your past. You're here with me, right? Who needs the past!?"_

_"Don't you want me to know who I am? Don't you care about what I want?" I angrily stuffed another shirt into my third bag, not caring about the wrinkles I knew were already forming._

_"Look at me! Sapphire… look!" He grabbed my wrists roughly, bringing my hands to his chest. He shook me once until I looked at him hard. "If you really go… it's over."_

_A look of disbelief flashed across my eyes. "Let go of me." The pressure of his hands only increased. "Damnit! Let the hell go of me!"_

_"Not until you listen. I love you Sapphire… more than anything in this world. Are you willing to throw that away for people you don't even know?"_

_"But they could know me. I could know them!" He sighed and slowly dropped my wrists away from his body. He stood before me for a moment before kissing me deeply. It only lasted for a second before the hotel door was slammed in my face._

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* * *

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"Sapphire, we're here. Don't worry about your bags."

He led me up a huge set of concrete steps that were encased by beautiful flowers. The grounds were immense, stretching far and wide past the mansion. Trees were placed along the outside of the house with colorful flowers below each one. As far as I could see, the place was more than huge and went beyond my expectations.

He flung the two oak doors open, pulling me along inside with him.

"Hey! Anyone home?"

My eyes widened, but quickly regained their size as I took in the huge foyer. The place was beautiful, and I was only standing in one of the rooms.

A red headed woman entered the room first. The thing that stood out the most, besides her flaming red hair, was… well, her breasts. I mean… plastic surgery? More like done twice over! These things were inconceivable. Even the extra padding they had used in the movie on me made mine look nothing like hers… not even close. I had the urge to say boobs, but well, I refrained my thoughts.

I smiled… willing a memory or something to come back as I looked at this woman. She was pretty, but her make up was overdone and her eyebrows were plucked to a basic null. Her dress fit tightly around her breasts and then flowed out around her legs stopping at her upper thighs. It was kind of… a weird picture. Maybe this really was the 'X' mansion… as in like major porno.

"J-Jubilee? Oh my God."

I threw a quick look at Bobby and shot through my teeth, "Why ish sshhe looking at me like shthat?" He ran a hand through his hair, stuttering and mumbling at the exact same time. I saw his eyes dart to Jean's and then he laughed nervously. And then I… well…I kind of exploded. "YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM?!" I didn't care that I was exploding in front of people that were supposed to be important. "HOW DARE YOU?!" I lunged forward and slapped him has hard as I could.

I stomped to the double doors, disregarding the people that were now gathering in the foyer. The man with the bags was approaching the door, but I shook my head and sent him back. And to think I had given up what I had with Jimmy for this faker.

"Jubilee!" He ran after me and gently grabbed my shoulder. "Come on… come bac-"

"IT'S GODDAMNED SAPPHIRE! Stop calling me Jubilee! I'm not her… I'm not some sick person who needs this stupid school to help me!"

"Please… just please meet them."

"They don't even know me, Bobby. You didn't even tell them my situation. I'm gonna go back in there and they're gonna think… they're gonna think that I'll know them! But I don't! That woman triggered nothing inside of me!"

"Don't say that. Do not say that Saph. You wouldn't have come with me if I didn't mean at least a little something to you. Something inside of you has to know me. You have to realize that!"

I wearily sighed and shook my head with defeat. He was right; I knew he had to be. "Bring my bags in, please," I said to the man with my large bags. "I'm giving you ten minutes to explain my situation, Bobster. And if you-"

"What did you call me? Saph! You just called me Bobster!"

"And if you get any happier I think you just might bust. Wait… you're not gonna burst, right?"

"You used to call me that."

"Okay, okay. Remember time over." Although my voice was harsh, I smiled at him. "Ten minutes, and if they don't understand why I'm here, I'm completely gone."

We approached the foyer cautiously, me slightly hiding behind Bobby's body as we shuffled into the hallway. Which was very hard in heels, by the way. More people filled the place now, whispering and staring as we approached. I guess I had been pretty loud. Bobby pushed me out slightly as he began his explanations of… well, of me.

"Guys, meet Sapphire… also known to you guys as, our little firecracker, Jubilee."


	2. That red eyed dude

**A/N: Okay, second chapter guys!**

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Thank you to Did, BlueSqueak, and Anything but Ordinary3. You guys really made my day with your kind reviews.

And again, the characters in this story do not belong to me, but to Marvel. And the letter Jubilee reads is from Wolverine #75... I had no part in writing that!

So on to chapter two. I hope you enjoy it and take time to review!

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"…And here's the bathroom, right next to your bedroom, and there's mine basically right down the hall. Uh… I'm gonna leave you to unpack your things and then if you want to we can go through some photo albums and watch a movie or something." My four bags were propped against my bed as we entered my 'room'. I didn't ask who had brought them up because I didn't have time to notice.

"This… it seems familiar here." I glanced at him as he gave me a sad look.

"After Jubilee was… gone. We were just going to leave this room empty, but no one ever got around to taking down the posters or emptying out her closet." He left quietly after making his last statement. A feeling of guilt washed upon me and I wished I could try and do something for Bobby and the group of people that inhabited the mansion.

The introduction hadn't gone too well, or at least it hadn't in my opinion. Everyone was so happy to see me, but… then they really looked at me and really took in Bobby's words. I washed the hopes right off their faces and each had an excuse to leave the main room. One, who I learned to be Jean, went into hysterics and had to be carried out of the room. Bobby had led me away then. And I guess I was grateful that he did, because I knew I couldn't stand another minute in that room.

They all kept staring at me! Like… like it was my fault that I didn't remember anything. One girl, Kitty, had actually frowned at me. The only two people that seemed to actually accept me were a bald guy and a white haired woman. And naturally, their names turned out to be pretty weird. Ororo and Xavier. Not two names that ya hear every day of your life.

I forgot my feeling of guilt for a moment and looked around the room. Bright posters hung on the wall, showing numerous bands I had never heard of. A desk and computer were set up against one of the walls, a mini gym stood in the corner of the room looking brand new and never once used, a bookshelf that looked like the books had never been opened, and an old bike stashed in another corner of the room. The floor was wooden, but covered with a spacious purplish carpet. The walls, or the parts that could be seen under all the posters, were light beige with a border that matched the color of the carpet. The room itself was pretty large; the biggest highlight of it was a skylight in the center of the room. And if the window couldn't get better, it had a latch. Don't ask me why. Besides the latched window, nothing interested me much. Well, except for the stars attached to the ceiling. They were pretty short of being awesome.

I opened the shiny doors of the closet to be greeted with the most colorful things on the planet. Shirts of hot pink and short shorts flashing with neon green flashed before my very eyes. Those clothes were absolutely hideous and whoever this girl had been… or well, whoever I had been before this… my fashion sense must have been pretty bad. I reached for a pair of shorts holding them close to my face, trying to remember a time that I would have wanted to wear these things. A sudden glimmer flashed before me and before I could catch it, a letter slipped out of the shorts, along with a picture.

I looked at the picture first, focusing on what I looked like. My hair was terribly short from what I could see. Half of my head was covered with a horrible cowboy hat that edged down past my forehead, my sapphire, blue eyes peeking out. Past the edges of the hat tumbled out short, raven hair. They curled slightly and were so dark that they looked blue. I wore one of the brightest smiles I've ever seen and stuck out my chest proudly.

Shifting my gaze, I focused on the guy standing next to me. He had slung his arm across my shoulders, and was smiling. He wasn't smiling nearly as bright as I had been, but he looked happy enough. His hair was a rumpled mess and I realized suddenly that I had only ripped his hat off his head seconds before. Tears formed in my eyes and I threw the picture down onto my bed before opening up the letter.

It was old. The kind of old where the paper feels so nice and tattered beneath your fingers, the kind of old that this letter needed to feel right for me. It crinkled as I opened it and I was almost afraid of ripping it.

_'Dear Jubilee,_

_This is just to say that I am going away because it is the best thing I can do. Without my adamantium-laced skeleton, and my healing factor not being what it used to be, I ain't hardly the best any longer. I am just a liability to the rest of the team. I retire my pinstripes before I get traded to the minors. I understand that you are going through a difficult time right now. I wish I could stay here for you, but it just cannot be._

_I am not going to tell you that you have to be strong, because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You have the strength to go on being happy and have fun, despite the bad things that happened to you and the horrors you have seen. You don't have a callus on your soul like some folks who have had it half as bad as you. So go on laughing, Darling. Hold on to your wonder—_

_--Aww, here I go getting all preachy!_

_You just stick to the professor Xavier like glue, do you hear me? He did all right by this old Canuckle-Head and he will do good by you!_

_Do not be sad for me, Jubilee. I am starting a whole new phase in my life! A new adventure! So, think of me sometimes and smile, because that is how I will always remember you. And remember that I will always miss you…_

_…more than you will ever know._

_Love,_

_Logan'_

And then, I don't know why, but tears came to my eyes as I pictured the scene: Me, standing with his hat on my head-waving goodbye to a broken man, watching him roar out of the drive until he was a dot on the horizon. I clutched the letter to my chest wondering where that man was now, and if I had or would see him again. I don't know what I was really trying to do, but clutching the letter put my mind at ease.

But still, sadness swept through me and made me want to crumble the letter into a tiny ball. Of course I didn't, but that doesn't mean I still didn't want to. So, to be on the safe side, I left the letter next to the picture and went about investigating that skylight. I wanted to be out close to the sky and not think for a little. Watching the clouds seemed the only solution.

I started to walk to the door, but stopped myself. I didn't know the way to the roof any better than a fish knew it's way to land. Or wait… do fish actually know where land is if they spend all their life in water? Dude, do they like avoid land… or not know what it is?

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I pulled the chair from the desk in the corner and led it to my skylight. I kicked the wheels in, hoping they wouldn't decide to dislodge or something and send me flying. So I kicked off my heels and climbed atop the chair. I pushed with all my might and the window gave way. Gripping the edge, I started to climb right through. But of course, nothing goes right in Sapphire land… well, except the beautiful boyfriend… or, crap! He wasn't even my stupid boyfriend anymore, right? Angrily, I kicked my leg out and the chair went skidding across the room and hit a bare wall. Well, great… now my chair wasn't even on my side anymore. I groaned and tried to fling my body upward toward the opening I knew I could fit through.

Okay, is it just me… or was this plan really bad from the start? I wouldn't even be able to fit through this stupid window if I even edged closer and got my head even half way out. My hands were starting to sweat and I had just about had it. There was only one thing to do: drop to the hard, wooden floor and hope for the best… or, well… just hang there. Fortunately, just as I fell, arms went tightly around me and held me close.

When I opened my frightened eyes, a dude with red eyes was staring into my blue ones. I stared questioningly into his eyes, giving myself just a second to remember this face. When I shook my head angrily, he let me down and started to walk out of the room. But something in me made calling out his name somehow easier and some part of me actually formed some coherent words.

"Remy," I said with a determined note in my voice. And if that wasn't his name… then I knew I was lost forever. But his name hung in the air and we studied each other for a long minute. His name echoed in my head, and I began to say it again before he cut me off abruptly.

"An' dey say de petit' don' remember…" He looked into my eyes again and then there was, "but not everything, oui?"

I nodded and tried to smile brightly, but it didn't work. Fresh tears assaulted my eyes, turning the room to one big mist. He walked forward and hugged me lightly and then, just like magic, he made so much of my blurred world disappear even if it was only just for a moment. "Shh…Remy help, petit'. Remy will help."


	3. Jimmy Winters

**A/N: Sorry this took so long guys and gals! I've had a little trouble with writer's block and a busy life beleive it or not! Not much to say about this chapter... don't really like it all too much, but I hope many of you do!**

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Thank you's to: Caliente, The Midnight Kitten, Silver12, and Anything but ordinary3. Your reviews mean so much to me... so thank you!

On to chapter three:

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In all my known life I had never been the type of person to sit back and wait for results. I was an in-your-face type of person… always in on the action, always interested in the conversation going on and I was always comfortable in my surroundings.

Which is why getting used to the X-mansion was so hard. There were awkward glances, awkward just plain stares, awkward silences and awkward casual conversation. They would do all of those awkward things within five minutes of me entering a room and I felt like I was never welcomed or something. Maybe it was the fact that whenever I entered a room whatever conversation had been going on before my presence was dropped and the room was left with weirdness. It was hard to feel like they actually wanted me there.

When I confronted Bobby about this, he protested my every word. He explained that whatever kind of awkwardness that was radiating off everyone was nothing but nerves. I would just have to give them all time.

But I found myself getting more and more frustrated with these people. If they had loved Jubilee so much, why couldn't they just accept her, as she was now: in me form! I finally just began to spend a lot of time with Remy and Bobby. And even though they were great and fun to be around, I had to tell myself the truth. I missed Jimmy.

I missed the way he would wake me up in the morning just by tickling my feet. I missed his smiles whenever I would say something stupid (which happened quite often). I missed his laugh. I missed his hugs. I missed his voice. I missed everything about him and every single way he made me feel. But I just couldn't call him. I felt miserable inside, mostly about our fight before I had left.

So I gave myself a time limit. I would spend a week more with these people and if nothing changed by then… I was heading back to Jimmy. I never told Remy or Bobby about this, but in a way I think they knew what was going on inside my head.

One day, about mid afternoon, Remy and I were sitting on the couch in the big Rec room. We had just settled on what channel we would watch and I had won as usual. But after five minutes, our show was interrupted. I froze when I heard the roar of a motorcycle engine and suddenly, the TV wasn't in front of me and I was somewhere else.

_"Shit." I was riding a motorcycle, not paying any attention to the road in front of me. But there was a screech, and then the pungent smell of burnt rubber. I felt such pain and there was so much noise. "Wolvie…"_

"Saph!" I shook my head and opened my closed eyes to find Remy's face only inches from mine.

"You okay, Petit'?" His eyebrows were etched in concern and there was a frown upon his lips.

"Yeah… yeah. What was that sound?"

"We better go an' meet 'im. He's gonna wonder…"

"Who, Remy? Who!" He didn't bother to answer, but led me by my arm out of the Rec room. Up the steps we went where a reunion was in the works. But, as usual, all went quiet when we reached the main foyer and everyone turned to look at me. The guy… he was clad in leather… and hairy. And then it hit me! He was the guy from that picture! He dropped his bag onto the floor and ran towards me.

"Jubilee! How…? Oh, yer…" He hugged me tight and let go suddenly. He stalked to the nearest person and shouted, "Why in God's name didn't anyone tell me? How long… how…" And then he was back and I was tightened in his arms again. "Oh, Jubes… I missed ya so much…"

"Logan, it's not what it looks like. You don't understand." The one called Kitty was bright red with anger.

"What's 'ta understand," he growled. "All I know is this is Jubes in an' out."

"No… I'm not." Oh, this was so much worse than when I first arrived. Sure, he didn't faint or anything… but the look on his face was heartbreaking and it was almost too much to take. "I'm not Jubilee."

"Logan, we couldn't get a hold of you. Or else, you **know** we would have called and explained everything to you. But… we tried, and we just couldn't get through." Kitty approached him without heed and hugged him tightly. The man who was called Logan gripped her tightly and looked at me for a second. He dropped Kitty's arms and stalked over to me again.

"Ya really don't know me, Darlin'?"

He looked so sad. His eyes were on the verge of letting go of the tears they possessed and I don't think he was one to cry too often. But there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes that was almost too much to take. Do you know what it's like to crush someone's last piece of hope? To take the little piece and press so hard onto it until it breaks? How could I make that any easier on him?

"I'm so sorry." Without any more words, without anymore hearts to crush… I knew my time was up in this place. I lightly ran up the stairs and up to the room I was staying in. Again, I packed in a rush, throwing pieces of clothing in any pocket of the suitcase just hoping no permanent damage would present itself later. I called a cab and booked a flight easily. Without any more hopes to crush, I was gone from that place called the X-mansion. And all I got was some more lousy heartache.

* * *

"Jimmy?" I had flown in to the local airport and had made it home in record time. Jimmy had been back from Australia ever since my movie premiere and he was staying somewhere near Hollywood. I already had a key, one I had never gotten a chance to use, but there are first times for everything, right? So I let myself in and yelled out his name… hoping he would be happy to hear my voice after such a long time.

I threw my suitcase somewhere near the door and kicked the door shut with my foot. Without any awkwardness, I flew up the stairs and into the hallway. Deciding it would be fun to pick a door and any door, I headed for the main bedroom. But my smile and excitement both quickly diminished into something that felt like dread. There were giggles coming from the main bedroom. So I steered clear of the room… I couldn't go in there and… see… see someone in my place.

So I checked every room but that one. I flung open every door as quietly as possible. He had to be anywhere but in that bedroom with that giggling someone. He had to be watching a movie and his friend was busy using that room. He had to be somewhere else, because Jimmy would never do that to me.

But when I couldn't find Jimmy in any other room out of what seemed like six hundred… I knew it was time to confront my fears and get my butt to that bedroom. I opened the door slowly, making the brass knob slippery with my sweat.

"Jimmy… stop that… you're… that tickles!" And my worst fears were confirmed as I saw the most sickening vision of my lifetime. A blond woman was in the middle of the bed, keeled over in giggles. The lump under the blankets was no one else but the person I had trusted with everything in my heart. Jimmy Winters: so-called Australian hot spot.

The blond stopped giggling the minute she saw my shocked face. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at the woman's long hair and pretty face. Had she been somehow better than me? Was she prettier, skinnier… smarter?

"Megan… what's wrong?" And his head was above the covers in a swift movement. His head turned to look in my direction and his eyes met mine. "Saph… wait, I can… Saph."

And suddenly, my feet were able to take control over my shocked body. I somehow closed the door softly and calmly walked down the main steps. I didn't know where I was going… but anywhere but Jimmy's place was good enough for me. But he couldn't make it that easy. When I reached the main door, he grabbed my arm. It was a struggle to keep the tears from falling, but I couldn't let him know that he got the best of me. "Just wait a minute, will you?"

"Wait a minute? I think I've waited long enough! What are you going to explain…? That you were just having a little mindless sex! That she doesn't mean anything? That I'm the one that means the world to you?"

"But you do, Saph. You are the reason I've lived so lo-"

"Just stop it, Jimmy. At least leave yourself some dignity. I know when it's time to leave… I take hints very well, thanks." His hand only tightened on my arm. "What? You're not gonna let me go?"

"Not until you listen to me."

"I think I've listened enough. 'Oh, Jimmy! Stop that… that tickles!' Give me a break!" I kicked his shin and grabbed my suitcase. Without a second glance at the wounded Jimmy Winters… I fled the scene. The minute I got out of there though, my façade broke. Tears trailed down my face and my heart ached in agony. I was stranded with nowhere to go and with no one to turn to. But apparently, my day could only get worse. After only walking so I was only meters away from the jerk's house, a shadow loomed before me.

"Girlie… how'z about some fun with yer good friend, Creed!"

Just what I needed… some freak who was the size of king kong himself. Man oh man oh man!


	4. Alone In the Dark

**A/N: Sorry this took so long guys and gals, but my mind has just been elsewhere lately. Not much to say about this chapter, except that it's kind of sad. But it'll get better soon, I promise :-D**

**Thanks to BlueSqueak, Jaenelle, Jessie, Ellie, Angeleyes, and Didi. Your reviews mean the world to me... so keep 'em coming!**

**And yeah... I do not own any of these characters except Jimmy. Marvel does.**

**Now on to Chapter Four:**

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"Who the hell are you?"

I must have made a pretty sad picture just sitting there, my face red from crying and probably with black mascara running down my cheeks too. And although I sensed I was in pretty deep danger with this guy, I didn't even get up.

"Oh, don't tell me ya fergot one o' yer bestest buds! Stop pullin' the crap. Ya should'a already tried yer flimsy paf's on me."

"Really. I have no clue what you're talking about. And I don't really care too much either. Just leave me alone."

"Leave ya alone? Now how much fun would that be? None, that's how much. I've already done too much'a the hard stuff ta leave ya alone now. If yer not gonna fight… let's just go."

"Am I supposed to know who you are? Because, for someone who is supposed to know me… you really aren't acting too nicely."

"Nice? Ah girl, I don't know what happened to ya, but I **ain't** nice." He went to cover my mouth with something, but he wasn't quick enough. Training with the movie must've gotten my reflexes in better shape or something, because before **I** even knew what I was doing, I kicked him… hard. Jumping up, I tried to get in a punch or two, but this guy was **not** on the same level as the stunt doubles were. Sure, they were trained professionals, but they didn't fight dirty and I knew what to expect when we were dueling.

Still, I withheld my own pretty gracefully. Even though nothing was affecting this guy, moves I had never seen or done before popped out of me like I was a Jackie Chan wannabe. Rounded kicks and hard punch attacks were easily accomplished without much effort on my part. I could have gotten away too, if we took out the part where I threw out my hands. These were old reflexes my body remembered, but my mind had forgotten and I just didn't know how to handle them.

The incident with the homeless pervert had escaped my mind until the moment where I faced the extremely hairy, clawed weirdo. Then, the event came back to me extraordinarily fast. Before I could stop them, the weird lights flew out of my hands and hit the hairy guy straight on.

I could smell the burning fur as my paf (I decided that that's what the tiger guy had been calling them from the beginning, so I followed through.) quickly burnt his fur. I can imagine it would have smelt worse if I had stuck around, but I didn't.

When I started to run, it felt like my feet were hardly touching the asphalt. I felt like a bird that was finally freed from the bars of a smoothed, rounded cage. I couldn't stop. Flashy, rich, huge houses loomed before me, but I didn't take in any of the details. How could I? A madman was on my tail! My heart was pounding, my blood boiling and all I wanted to do was cry.

All I wanted was Jimmy and his stupid old self, all I wanted was Bobby and his lame but hysterically funny jokes, all I wanted was Remy and his strong arms wrapped around my body. It was then that I suddenly realized that out of all those people, I wanted Wolverine the most. Out of all the arms that had held me, his arms were the only ones that had been the perfect fit.

With my attention drawn elsewhere, I tripped. I landed on my hands and felt the skin ripping as the gravel dug in deep. My cheek also got the brunt of the fall and stung with a deep throbbing sensation. I lay there, huddled in a ball, a shaking mess as a shadow swept over me. Before I even knew what was happening, the tiger man was leaning beside me grasping my neck. And before I could scream or fight back, a rag was over my mouth and as quickly as the pain had appeared, it slowly began to dissipate along with the rest world.

* * *

When I awoke, I couldn't even tell I was really awake. I mean, whatever place he was holding me in was pitch black. So when I opened my eyes expecting some sort of light, there was nothing. There wasn't even a crack of light that usually escapes from the bottom of a doorway. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

I went to spring my hands forward hoping to produce some sort of answer with my pafs, but my hands were tied to something. My feet were bounded too… so even if there was a light somewhere in my surroundings, I wouldn't be able to get to it. All in all, I couldn't move. And to top it all, my butt really hurt.

Have you ever sat on a carpet that was so thin that your butt kind of just got numb and it hurt a lot? Yeah, well, replace the thin carpet with a concrete, dirty floor. It was gross actually. The thought that I was sitting on something dirty and gross just made me want to scream.

And that's the thing that surprised me. There was a lack of action from causing me to scream, yell, and talk or whatever. I was even too shocked to try anything for the first few minutes, but just sat there in the dark, pondering. And then I started to tremble, because if there wasn't a gag or tape or something preventing me from speaking, there had to be a reason why. There had to be a reason why I didn't need a gag or some tape. Which led me to the conclusion that I was so far from any sign of life that it wouldn't even matter if I screamed.

Because no one would hear me.

Which totally didn't stop me of course. I started off slowly… talking to myself more than trying to get anyone's attention, but the small talk wasn't getting out my frustrations. So I started to yell just a bit. Things like, "you can't keep me here forever!" and things like, "I don't know what you're thinking!" but mostly, probably in the effort to convince myself, "they'll know I'm gone!". Which was the saddest part of all. Because no one would know I was gone. Jimmy would think I had gone back to the X-men and the X-men would think I went back to Jimmy.

And I guess it was that point where I started to scream. I screamed and I screamed and I screamed. I pounded my legs, I slammed my arms against whatever was binding me, and I screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw and dry. I screamed until my lips were cracking and in need of moisture. I screamed until my ears were ringing and my head was pounding.

I screamed for many reasons. The most, I think, was Jimmy and the lying, sack of scum he was. I screamed for not being able to remember. I screamed for the look on Wolverine's face when he was told that Jubilee was still dead. I screamed for the dreams and the demons that haunted me. I screamed for the cement under my butt. And I screamed for the fact that no one could hear me.

Finally, when I realized that no one was coming, no one, not even that tiger man was coming to speak with me, I stopped screaming. I stared into the darkness, not able to wipe the tears off my cheeks, not able to wipe away the sweat that had appeared on my temple, not able to do anything but sniff and sniff.

The screaming had worn me out. And no matter how hard I tried, my eyes became too heavy for me. I shut them, leaned my head against my own shoulder and drifted into a troubled sleep… still muttering non-coherent words.

I didn't know it then, but someone _had_ heard me. And with his hair bristling, he howled into the night.


	5. It's All Coming Back

**A/N: Okay guys... here's the latest chapter of Failing to Remember. I don't really know what direction I'm heading in and whether I'll end this soon or... not so soon. Lol!**

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These characters belong to Marvel, blah di blah di blah. Jean and Wolverine's little speeches come from Uncanny X-men 303 and the X-men annual 14! (Great reads..!)

Thanks to B Oots, Ellie, and Bluesqueak! Your reviews mean the world to me and thank you so much for your ongoing support... what would I do without you?  
And thanks to Meg for being one of the best reviewers there are! And dude, when you're asked for research... you come right on through. Thankies!

**Now on with the story!**

* * *

The worst thing in the world for me is over thinking. I mean, I over think about everything. And I mean **everything**. I over think putting out friggen trashcans that are half full, for God's sake!

So it was no surprise to me, that throughout the long hours of just sitting in the dark, my stomach growling with hunger, I thought. I thought about Wolverine, and Jimmy, and the past few weeks of my life. I thought about the movie premiere and what would have happened if I had just stayed, I thought about the decision not to leave after living five minutes in the X-mansion, I thought about anything and everything starting from the premiere to only today. Or well, yesterday. I couldn't exactly tell how long I had been in this… place for.

Apparently, the screaming had **not** helped and I was left alone. That tiger asshole wasn't even man enough to come and just say something to me. I wouldn't have cared if he had taunted me, or teased me… or even threatened me! But he never did come… at least for that little while anyway.

My hands were raw. I mean, after a while, my butt went completely numb and I couldn't feel it or the hard cement beneath me, which was a relief and a pain in the ass at the same time. (Okay, okay… pun intended.)

I tried to occupy myself though. Sure, you could call it over thinking, but it made me from going completely insane. Like I said before, when I was in Australia I got glimpses. More and more came along as time went by, but besides me remembering Remy and involuntarily saying 'Bobster', the glimpses had stopped upon my arrival to the X-mansion.

It wasn't like the glimpses were huge views into my past. I would see a face, or a certain color that reminded me of a different time. But the pieces were never put together to form a whole. If anything, my mind almost never gave the same glimpse. And my mind never seemed to focus on the whole picture, but just some part.

Being left in the dark though led the old ones back. It was like a pen had been uncapped and my conscious was busy writing away. Like sometimes out of the blue, while I sat on my numb butt, sudden and unannounced, I would whisper something to myself and realize it was something from my past. And they started off as the same old tiny glimpses, but as time went by, the glimpses evolved into huge chunks of memory. The big ones only occurred when I was sleeping though.

At least for a little while anyway.

* * *

_I can see myself, a younger version. My hair is cut close to my head, short from what I can see. I mean, there is this huge… thing on top of my head and I can't exactly see a lot of the hair. I'm wearing something weird too. It looks like the outfit has cones poking out of it, but rounded cones… almost. It seems to go well with the hat though. Or whatever that huge mess on top of my head is._

_It is very dark, but just light enough to see myself, huddled together. I'm tiny and the machine-hat only makes me look smaller. There is a red visor in front of me, cracked, battered, broken. And I am crying._

_I know I started to think about a guy named Cyclops. Because the visor belonged to him. But I can't hear myself speak. I can only imagine I don't sound weak because my face looks as hard as a rock. It surprises me when my younger self doesn't wipe away the tears now trailing down her cheeks. When I cry, usually, the first thing I do is angrily wipe the tears away. But I kneel there, with my hands tucked under my arms. I know there's a man there, I know he's just beyond my view… just beyond what I can see. And I know… I just **know**that they can see my memories._

_But I can't._

_I watch my younger self freeze though. It doesn't even look like I'm breathing. It's a painful memory… it's something about death. And I sit there, hugging myself, trying to… to bring something back. But it's not coming._

_And no matter what my younger self says, that man's taunts are somewhat getting through to her. As much as she denies what he is saying, I don't know for a fact that the man called Cyclops isn't dead. But as long as I can keep on saying it, over and over if I have to, there is still some hope left._

_I wanna reach out and hug her. I wanna tell her that everything will be okay. But suddenly the memory twirls and twists…_

_

* * *

_

I gasped when I awoke, almost choking on the sudden rush of air. I frightfully looked around, but I still couldn't see a thing. I tried to bring my hands forward, but I realized that I couldn't. Suddenly, I realized that the younger me hadn't been crossing her arms against her chest at all, and I realized that she couldn't have had wiped away the tears. Because I had been in a straight jacket, nearly trapped the same way as I was now. And I was just a tiny girl… just a little girl that had done nothing wrong. Just a little girl that wanted someone to hold her and tell her everything would be okay.

God, and I remembered the man with the white hair and the long, sinister face. I remember my escape from my school, a different school from the X-mansion and I remember this man… that man… Bastion rescuing me from a crazy creature. I thought he had been my savoir, but he had put me through more hell than I had ever experienced before. He made me believe the X-men were dead. And… somehow, I remembered loving them as much as a family member could. They were my family and Bastion had almost taken that away.

A digested all of this for a minute. I mean, of course I would remember more when I was in deep doo doo. Of course, I couldn't have remembered all of this when I was actually with the people I called family. Jeez louise!

"Jubilee."

I hurriedly looked around, but… as you might have guessed it, I still couldn't see anything. It sounded like… like Wolverine. His rough and yet comforting voice fills my head and my heart. And then, like we were in a play or something… a spotlight shone on him.

_"Like I said, there are friends—and **friends**. People you pal with—and the ones you die for. Each carries its own set of obligations an' each person has to decide what they are and how best to carry 'em out. **Us**, kiddo. What makes **us** so special. 'Cause you're part of it now, Jubilation Lee--! We're mutants. That sets us apart right from the get-go, because we're born with abilities an' powers that mark us as different from the rest of the human race."_

"Wolverine? Come un-tie me! Where are we? God, I have so much to say to you and everythin' and I hope that—" It took me a moment to realize that he wasn't listening. It took me another moment to realize that he wasn't really there. I don't know if it was my overly hungered mind, but I was hallucinating. He wasn't there.

_"Like I said, there are friends…"_ and he went on and on and on. He kept on repeating and repeating and repeating! God, I wanted him to shut up… I wanted it all to go away. But it didn't and neither did he.

As he kept on talking, another spotlight appeared. This time it was Jean. Her hair looked the same, but her boobs were smaller and she looked a little younger. And before I could laugh about how tight her outfit was, she began to talk. Of course it didn't stop Wolverine. They went on and talked together.

_"Jubilee, we come into this world alone and we leave it the same way… The time we spend in between… time spent alive, sharing, learning… together… is all that makes life worth living."_

And then another… another man came from the shadows and into another spotlight. It was the Professor. God, it was the Professor. He didn't say anything and he didn't have to, but he held a bag… a bag that I recognized. It was mine… the one I had left the X-mansion with.

And I don't know… but maybe the voices got to me. Maybe it was the hunger. Or maybe it was because I wasn't able to see for hours upon hours. Maybe it was all the thinking and all the over analyzing junk I had done. Heck, maybe it was all of those factors combined, but before my mind even registered what I was doing, I popped.

The bright lights came fast and loudly. I clenched my eyes shut and even still, the bright lights were imprinted on my eyelids. I saw the lights even when I closed my eyes. And there were a lot of them.

Popping, popping, popping. The loud pops filled my ears and I could smell burning… just burning. And before I knew what was happening, my hands were free and I was on my feet. I guess they really tell you the truth about all that smoke rising, because when I stood up… God, smoke filled my lungs quicker than water fills a sinking ship. And all the fire was lighting up the room real quick… so I could finally see. I don't know what the tiger dude… Saber… **Sabertooth**! His name was Sabertooth! But anyway, I don't know what he had put in the room to make it fill up with fire so fast, but something must have reacted to my Paf's in a totally, chaotic bad way.

And I couldn't get them to turn off.

The 'people' had disappeared and were gone, but my body must have still been freaked. My pafs were circling my body and dropping in various places of the room. They started off bright, strong, dangerous fire starters; but as time went on, they were slowly but surely beginning to fade and become less harmful. But even so, the less harmful they got, the weaker I felt. It was like they were eating my energy and I didn't know how to stop them.

I spotted the door right away. The only problem was actually getting around the fire and out. But I figured that if I could concentrate enough, I could use my paf's on another part of the wall and blast my way out of there. The only problem was the weakness and the exhaustion.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, pushing my sudden urge to cough in the back of my mind and concentrated as hard as I could. The heat made it harder to concentrate, but when my mind seemed the most focused I would be able to get it, I pushed my hands forward and urged something big and powerful to come from my hands.

Cautiously opening my eyes, I slowly looked toward where I had sent the big paf. And it had worked! The only problem… the only problem was of course my exhaustion. Could I get out of this fire-infested room before my body decided to give up?

Already, my vision was weakening and my legs were near collapse. I coughed, a wracking cough that shook my entire body and left my head aching. I started forward quickly, but tripped over the rope that I had left on the floor near my feet. So I began to crawl and crawl, my arms feeling like they weighed a ton and a half. But I was too slow and by the time I got almost near enough to the hole to slither out, a beam fell down in front of me; blocking my path. I barely had any energy to cry out before I closed my eyes and gave into the thousand commands of my body.

But before I could give myself completely away to the darkness, a giant hand or so it seemed grabbed me by my shirt. Fur… burnt fur. I passed out before I could decipher which furry hand it was; Sabertooth's or Wolverine's or maybe neither. All I knew was sleep... sleep... sleep.


	6. Pocket Version of Inspirational Quotes

**A/N: Okay, so I think this is the second to last chapter unless I'm struck with a sudden crazy idea to take this story somewhere else. Sorry for how long it took me to get this up. I didn't exactly have writer's block, but more like a lack of inspiration!**

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Thanks to BlueSqueak, Boots(and all six of your reviews), Jaenelle (best wishes to your infected computer!), and Ellie! You guys rock!

Oh, and I don't own anything… but don't I wish I did!

Now on to chapter six!

* * *

Okay, the thing about waking up after your body decides to go into a bit of energy craving exhaustion is that well… you don't. How can one even think about responding to their name when every part of his or her body is screaming in pain? How can one even think to comprehend what had just happened? How can one think at all?

"Sapphire…" And yeah, they were still calling me by that stupid name Jimmy had made up for me. They didn't know I had remembered and they didn't know I knew my name to be Jubilation and nothing else (well, except for Jubilee, J, Jube and such).

And you know that feeling where you wake up after your body shuts down from lack of energy? The feeling where everything (on top of your body screaming in pain) is too bright and everything is just too loud? Well, that's what I felt like. I **wanted** to tell them that I remembered their names and their faces, but I couldn't at that moment. My body was overriding the want and the need to explain. My body was screaming at me to ignore the now anxiety prone voice calling me and I couldn't exactly do anything else. What my body wanted… my body got.

I remember opening my eyes briefly before shutting them completely and then leaving my rescuers with nothing except a glimpse of my sapphire-like eyes. Oh yeah… I left them my unconscious body too. What a gift, huh?

* * *

So it turns out that the furry hand that grabbed me from the burning building was Hank's. Yeah, it was Hank McCoy the **other** man with a furry hand. Who would have thought? And I'd just like to know exactly how many men (and women, I suppose), are running around with furry hands. I'm gonna need to like make a list for future references… let's just hope I'll never have to use it. And let's just hope that I'm **never** on that list!

Yeah, so supposedly the X-team had arrived just in time and had gallantly rescued me from the burning building **and** Sabertooth. He had only returned when the X-team arrived. Of course they sent him packing and away from the scene with his tail between his legs.

Wolverine supposedly tried looking for me for the longest time and couldn't come up with anything, but led the X-team in the right direction… supposedly anyway. I haven't heard the story from him since he's nowhere to be found. Well… and I guess I haven't gotten around to looking for Wolverine since I'm trapped in the prison they like to call the med-lab. Of course I remembered the place… I just had forgotten how much they baby you while you remain indisposed or something like that.

Yeah, yeah… so they rescued me… blah di blah. I explained my story (half-way through of course, Jean nearly suffocated me) with my audience gasping and grimacing in the perfect places. But the most important person that needed to be in the audience was of course gone.

"Where's Logan?"

And those just had happened to be my first words when I had awoken, startling Hank so badly he dropped a beaker containing something yellow. (Here's to hoping it wasn't my pee or anything…) He ignored the question (and the glass) at first and set about to making sure I was comfortable and healing properly.

When I asked again, he shifted uncomfortably and began a sympathy-ridden apology. I stopped him before he could get all the words out. And then, while Beast cleaned up the shattered pieces of the shattered beaker, he explained the story of how I was found and just how long ago Logan had run. I mean I knew he had run, but the confirmation really set it in stone for me, if you know what I mean.

And so, I began to heal. I still felt extremely weak and received the **blessing** of sudden coughing fits for a while, but even if I was stuck in a building without water and food for days (turns out I wasn't there **too** long) there weren't any lasting affects. And soon after that, I was released from the med-lab (ahemprisonahem) and set free to wander the mansion on my own time and my own free will. Of course, wandering around the mansion and not finding the one thing that you're looking for is pretty depressing… and I think you all know what… **who** I was looking for.

He was nowhere to be found.

He was nowhere to be found in the mansion at least. I kind of shied away from the idea and the action of actually leaving the mansion to go and look for him; to confront him. Go ahead… call me a coward who doesn't deserve Logan's like own footstep or something near that, but I just couldn't face him. And I know that's a total contradiction. I wanted to see him so badly and talk to him, but at the same time I was putting it off. Eh… what can one say, the mind is a complicated thing and even though I'm one to never sit back and just wait anything out… I found myself just doing that.

I diverted my attention completely away from the topic. Even when Remy tried to ask me if I had found him yet, I changed the topic immediately. I was determined to think of anything but Logan. And I have to say that everyone faired well because of it… pretty well indeed.

Because in order to divert my attention fully, I treated myself and most of my fellow teammates to relaxing days at various spa's (Bobby swore up and down that he would never get anything done in a **spa**, but I spotted him treating himself to a facial and a pedicure), treated my various teammates to various movies (Bobby swore up and down that he wouldn't like The Notebook, but cried like a baby anyway), and lounged around various rooms of the X-mansion.

Oh yeah… and I shopped.

Hmm… wait, how can I explain this a little better? Oh yeah, well I kind of bought out the entire local mall and the mall in the next town over. I was like hurricane Jubilee or something. And nothing could get in my way.

* * *

When one buys and buys and buys and **buys**, one tends to run out of closet space… and floor space… and bed space… and pretty much any space that might be left in one's room. Fortunately and unfortunately, that one would be me. Nothing in my way? How about no more walking room in one's bedroom?

So I set about to cleaning up and going through some of my old things. The Professor had made a little room in the attic for a little of my old stuff (**little** being the key word here) and I was forced to get off my sorry butt and actually clean.

The first thing that hits you when you clean something is the dust. Dust gets in places that I thought **nothing** could reach. Dust is floaty, dust makes me sneeze, and dust never gets off your hands. It was a gross experience. But an even worse weapon than dust were the memories.

I couldn't get through one single garment without reminiscing for at least the next five minutes. I would hold the piece of clothing (usually neon colored, please… I'm Jubilee for cryin' out loud) and get all misty eyed and snotty. But, that could have also been the smell of gross dust and tears of disgust as my hands found stale, stale, stale wadded up gum in every single pocket. Ew!

I didn't even hear the knock at my door and was completely startled when I heard my door creak open. But that wasn't what made me drop the green shorts I was holding to my chest. Oh no, the person himself made me do that.

Skin was standing right in front of me and there wasn't anyone for me to hide behind or anything for me to hide under! (There were clothes under my bed!!)

I didn't know what to feel, what to say. I had no idea what to **do**.

"What-what're you doing here," I questioned softly.

"I came to see you." I bent down to pick up the green shorts as he said this and nearly fell over from his words.

"But you… hate me."

"No I don't. And I never did, but you threw up and ran away before I could tell you that."

I stood up swiftly and marched over to him. "How dare you, Angelo? How dare you! You let me walk out of our apartment letting me think that you hated me! And **now** you come back and try to let everything live in the past?" I stomped away and finally picked up the green shorts from the floor. I hurled them into a brown box and continued stomping around my room, only stopping at my closet. And that was only to fling more and more old clothing into various boxes. I didn't even look to see if I was making the clothes in… I just threw and threw and threw.

"You're as stubborn as ever, chica. You never gave up a figh—"

"Oh don't call me stubborn when you're the king of willfulness! It was you're stupid stubbornness that kept you at a dead chase! Just because you couldn't have me you sabotaged our friendship too."

"Listen—"

"No! You listen to me, Skin. Just because you couldn't get your stupid way and have me return the stupid feelings doesn't grant you the right to yell at me and kick me out of your room when I was only doing what I always did and I'm sorry if you didn't like it and couldn't stand it and you didn't have to yell at me and be mean and… be stupid and stuff." I huffed, crossed my arms and plopped onto my bed… clothes be damned.

"Are you done now?" When I didn't answer, he sat next to me. "I'm sorry for what I did, chica. I was a jealous fool whose feelings got in the way. Can you ever forgive a long-struck fool?"

"Depends on what you brought me," I said with a smile.

"Well… a little birdie told me that someone has been looking for a special someone and I kind of got a rough location. Okay, I got the exact location."

My smile seemed to be wiped completely from my face as I looked up and into Angelo's eyes. "But… I don't know what to say to him, Ange. What if everything goes wrong and I ruin everything?"

"_You miss a hundred percent of the shots you never take_," he said with a smile.

"Wow… what have you become? A pocket version of inspirational quotes?"

He laughed. "Wayne Gretzky said that, and no I'm not a pocket version of inspirational quotes, but I read that once and it's a very great motto." He looked at me closely and then said, "Chica, if I can come here and take the chance to talk to you, you can take the chance and go talk to Wolverine."

"Yeah… you're right." I leaned forward and hugged him tightly while he wrapped his many layers of skin around my torso. I whispered a thank you in his ear and after a minute or two, our grips loosened and we let go. "Ohmigosh… what will I wear?!"

He only laughed rip-roaringly while I mockingly glared. Some things could be pieced together and made new again, and some things couldn't help but remain broken. What would happen when I talked to Wolvie? Could we fix the damage or be forever broken?


	7. Confrontation

**A/N: I'm a little iffy on this chapter since a pretty big event takes place. Let me know how you feel. By the end of this, you'll know what I mean.**

**Just to let everyone know, I've gotten a sudden burst of inspiration for this story. All of a sudden, I don't wanna wrap it up and there's some more coming... at least for a little while anyway.**

**Thank you again and again for the reviews, guys. Just knowing you're out there waiting for my story makes it so much easier for me to write. So thank you to Ellie, B Oots, and Jubes2681.**

**Also... just wanna apologize for the delay. Bah, school. :-(**

**On to chapter seven!**

* * *

I walked towards a bar.

Yes, Wolverine was in a bar and had spent a week around this area according to Skin's research. (Was Wolverine being in a bar surprising? Heck no!) I know it was for me, but the idea of Skin near stalking Wolverine gets me laughing so hard that sometimes I have trouble standing still when I think about it. But if it weren't for him, I'd probably be in another mall spending loads of money or watching another movie just trying to stop myself from thinking about him, but failing horribly.

I had wanted to drive there by myself, but Skin insisted upon driving me himself. I wasn't all too confident getting behind the wheel, especially since I was already nervous. And especially since last time I drove a vehicle, I kinda got amnesia. So yea, no driving for me! Skin would give me an hour to sort it out with Wolverine and if I wasn't outside by that time, he'd wait another fifteen more minutes before coming in and finding out what had happened. Assuming of course I didn't come outside and to tell him what happened first. It was a foolproof plan. Well, okay… so the driving situation was. Who knew how my conversation with Logan was gonna go. We could only hope for the best and since our last conversation went all so well (roll of eyes inserted here), I was kind of doubtful. Call it the nerves, but my brain was screaming at me to turn back and run as far away as possible. I was trying my best to ignore it and walk determinedly forward.

So I did.

My first thought when I entered that bar was it was the lowest of lows. The outside sure didn't give hint that the inside was as bad as it was. Peanuts and broken glass crunched under my shoes as I walked in. I didn't take it as such a great sign. But it wasn't as crowded as the parking lot had seemed to be and I at least took **that** as a good sign.

I spotted Logan pretty much right after the glass and peanuts observation. He sat hunched at the bar, a hat on his head and in the rest of his usual attire. I stood there for a second before continuing forward. I kept on going over the perfectly planned out speech in my head and before I could turn back… I walked forward to the hunched over Wolverine and sat on the stool next to his. I was kind of hoping for a little glance my way, but he didn't even have a trademark sniff for me. So I started off with a soft, "hey".

"Imposters shouldn't try ta fit where they don't belong. Get lost."

I paused for a second, trying to go silently over my speech before opening my mouth, but I threw caution to the wind and spoke. "But I'm back, Logan! I mean, I was kidnapped first and held hostage in some no good, crap-hole and then slowly while in the dark I remembered and then there was this fire and then Beast came and then—" I hadn't meant to say it that way, really. But once I had started I couldn't seem to stop. When he held up his hand and finally looked at me I knew it couldn't be good.

"Even if yer back ta who ya were before ya were kidnapped… it still doesn't change anythin'. Who was it that kidnapped ya anyway?"

Tears sprang to my eyes at his half effort at conversation. How could he be so… not happy for me? "What? So that's it? You get the information you need outta me and then I'm sent packin'?"

"Listen, kid… tha Jubilee I know an' loved is long gone. An' she ain't coming back. I searched fer months an' I—"

Ugh! "But can't you see I'm here? Right now? Look at me, Logan! God, look at me!" I roughly grabbed his chin so he faced me, but he didn't take it the way I had wanted him to at all. He got up and before I knew it, I was walking with him. Or well, I was being dragged. He had picked me up by my shirt and had decided to drag me by it. He only let go after he had pushed me into a wall and towered above me. Even though I was about the same height, darnit.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" He stalked back to the bar as I slid down against the wall he had basically thrown me at. All I could do was sit there. He had never yelled at me like that… nor had he ever been like an inch away from hitting me. Well except that time I had gone all coastal and was evil or whatever and Logan had to 'knock' some sense into me. But that had been different, ya know? He had been doing it because he cared. And then a word popped into my head: loved. He said he had lov**ed** me. Past tense… not present. And then I got angry.

Before I knew what I was even doing, I marched right up to the bastard and roughly tapped his shoulder. He turned his head and never saw it coming. I punched him straight on. I'm sure it hurt me a lot more than it hurt him (damn adamantium laced skeleton), but that hadn't been the point. Hey and they had always said that actions speak louder than words, right? Yeah, well I was hoping that had been loud enough for him.

"What tha hell!"

At this point the tears were already flowing so why should I have stopped them, huh? Maybe I just couldn't is all. "That's for believing I was dead, Logan."

"What are ya talkin' about? **Everyone **thought you were dead!"

"You were supposed to be different! And you gave up on me anyway! How could you? How could you after all I've done for you? How, after me dragging you up a freaking mountain, after I helped you down from a cross, after I swore you were never dead when nothing else seemed possible, after me letting you leave when I needed you, I… I was only a kid in a stupid yellow jacket, but you gave up. After all we've been through, after all the times you've saved me, held me… you gave up. How could you do that to me? To **us**?"

At this point, I couldn't see five feet in front of me. My vision was so blurred by my tears and I was shaking so horribly that it almost wasn't even worth keeping my eyes open. But I did. I yelled some more things that I don't even remember and probably never will.

But there is one thing I will never ever forget. What Logan said next.

"Ya wanna know why I can't love ya anymore? Because it's my fault! I was the one who taught you had to drive a motorcycle. I was the one who took you along with me. I was the one who took ya straight inta Xavier's mansion. I was the one you were mad at! Everythin' that's happened to ya has been my fault. If I had just died that night up on that cross thing… nothin' bad would'a happened to ya. If I hadn't loved ya… ya wouldn't have loved me enough ta get into all my messes."

I stopped my shaking for a minute and blinked back the blinding tears. "But Logan…"

His voice changed. It wasn't emotion ridden like it had been that minute ago but different. Cold. Hard. Shutting. "I meant what I said tha last time I talked to ya. We were partners once… but I can't love you anymore."

I softly treaded closer to his turned back and went to hug him from behind. But before I could even get close enough to rest my head on his shoulder, he roared and flung me across the bar and into that same wall again. I moaned, clutching my head and closed my eyes. I never felt the gentle hug nor did I hear his cries of regret because I was already in the land of slumber and peace.


	8. Stretchable Brother

**A/N: Firstly, thank you very much for the kind reviews. BlueSqueak, Jae, B Oots, and Jo... your kind words just make writing so much easier! I don't know what I would do without all of you. So thanks again and keep 'em coming! ;-)**

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I don't own the X-men. The end.

**On with story!**

* * *

Um… ow. Fucking ow.

My.

Head.

Hurt.

A.

Lot.

"Jubilee! Jubes, wake up." It was Angelo calling my name. I swear if I wake up to hear an X-man or X-woman calling my name one more time, I'm gonna flip. How many times has it been now… three? "Jubilee… please."

"Okay… okay, ya woke me up." I could answer, but please… I would **not** open my eyes. God forbid we were someplace with bright lights or something. I reached up to find the epicenter for the humongous pain I was feeling, and sucked in a breath as my hand glided over a very tender part of my head. "W-what happened, Ange?"

"Sixteen stitches, Chica and a near heart attack."

"I almost had a heart attack?"

"No. I did."

"Oh, well that makes sense." A pause followed and I dared to open my eyes. I was back in the med-lab again. The lights were dimmed this time. Thank God for Beast's enormous memory span or I would have spent my first two minutes blinking back the tears. Light hurts, dude. "Okay… nice stalling work, but seriously Ange, what happened? Why am I back here?"

"Y-you don't remember?" I looked at him for a moment, slowly removing my hand back down from the back of my head. And then I remembered.

I remembered my speech to Logan. I remembered Logan's speech to me. And I remembered the weightless feeling as I flew through the air and landed smack dab against the bar wall. I remember him briefly stopping to stand over me and then leaving just as quickly. And then all I remember is passing into wonderful darkness.

I dropped my gaze from Angelo's eyes and steadily focused my stare on my twisting hands. "He didn't… it couldn't have happened, Ange."

"Jube, you know better than I do what happened in there, but you and I both know that there's nothing else that could have happened to you other than what did. You just didn't fly into that wall on your own and don't even begin to tell me you did. There are witnesses, not so many, but witnesses just the same. And if you hadn't been lying there bleeding and out cold, I would have gone after him."

"Don't say that! Don't say that he did it. Angelo, he was just hurt and confused and… I pushed him too far! I should hav—"

"Are you kidding? You're blaming **yourself**? He **threw** you into the wall, Jubilee. He not only hurt you mentally again, but physically this time!" I stood up, jumped off the hospital bed and pushed him out of my way.

"How dare you, Angelo. You know nothing about Logan and my relationship. He's never hurt me befo—"

He came forward, affected by my push in the least bit. "How do you explain those stitches then, chica? How do you explain your tears? How do you explain your broken heart?"

I pushed him away from me again, and again, and again. He grabbed my arms and held them against his chest, forcing me to be wrapped in his arms. With a half sob and a half scream I gave into his embrace and cried into his torso. By doing so I was admitting that Angelo had been right and I couldn't explain my stitches, my tears, or my broken heart.

* * *

"Hey Jubes."

"Hi Bobby."

I sat, a week after getting out of the med-lab yet again, on the big comfy couch located in the lower region of the Rec Room. I wasn't really doing anything. The TV was on, but I wasn't watching it nor was I listening to it. My attention wasn't fixated on my surroundings, but on the bar that I had encountered Logan in. I couldn't help but keep on going over it in my head. I got sadder each time I did it, but it was like some obsession. If I had just done this or had just done that it wouldn't have and couldn't have ended the way it had. Or at least that's what I was convincing myself.

"Jubes."

"Yeah," I answered absent-mindedly.

"You **do** know what you're watching, right?" I didn't answer because I hadn't even heard him. I was still thinking about that night and his voice just wasn't cutting through. "Jubilee," he said it a bit louder and this time I heard him, but didn't ask him to repeat what he had said before.

I got up and spoke rather quickly, "I gotta go, Bobby. I'll talk to you later or something…"

I walked up and out of the Rec room and walked straight through the double front doors of the school. No one was really around and I was grateful. I didn't feel like talking. And I guess that's why I brushed off Bobby. I just didn't feel like… being distracted from my thoughts.

I was so stupid. Shouldn't I have **wanted** someone to distract me? Shouldn't I have wanted someone to just get rid of that scene in my head? I sighed and sat down on the front steps, head cupped in my hands. And when the door opened behind me, I didn't even turn around to look who was there, because I didn't care. Although I did find out that the person who had opened the door and then sat next to me was the one and only 'Bobster'. Again.

"Don't you learn your lesson, Bobby? I don't want to talk to anyone! So just leave me alone." I got up to walk away again, but he grabbed my arm lightly.

"No. Jubilee, listen… whatever's going on in your head right now—"

"You don't know what's going on in my head right now, okay? So don't even start to say all that crap about understanding, because you don't!"

"I never—" but I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it! Everyone comes into my life saying all this crap about second chances and third chances and fourth chances, but they never work out the way people say they're going to!" I struggle out of his grip and sit down heavily. "A second chance for the X-men, a second chance for Wolverine, a second chance for Jimmy, a second chance for Angelo… a second chance on living life without… Wolvie?" The old nickname dripped from my voice kind of like the tears that dripped off my chin and onto my knees. "How can I do it again?"

Bobby lifted my chin with his hand and our eyes locked. Gently, he reached his other hand forward and wiped away my multitude of tears. "Don't you see that he doesn't deserve you? Look how unhappy he makes you, Jubilee. If he really loved you, he wouldn't make you cry, right? Maybe you just grew apart and that's the end. God, here we are having the same exact conversation we did three years ago. Your smile is too pretty for it not to be shown. So smile."

I sniffed. And although his words were hard for me to accept, deep within me a huge weight was lifted. I knew Bobby spoke the truth. And I had to let go of that something which was so far gone and out of my reach… So I lightened up. "I promise I'll smile if you sing me a song."

He looked at me like I was crazy, but leaned away and screamed more than sang, "I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES…" I laughed and he stopped to look at me. His face went serious and he looked at me with a piercing stare that deserved a medal. Before my heart could even skip a beat, he was kissing me and I was kissing him back.

Bobby and I kissed. Bobby and I kissed. Bobby and I kissed! EEEEEEEEEEeeee!!!!!!

I guess though, sometimes something that may seem **so** right for one person may seem just **so** wrong for another. Angelo, without me knowing, was standing near by. In his hands were tapes for me, movies to cheer me up. As Angelo loosened his grip up in surprise, the tapes crashed to the walkway. Bobby and I broke apart only to catch sight of a very, very hurt Angelo.

* * *

"Ange, just wait a second, will ya?"

Exactly five minutes had passed since Angelo had seen Bobby and me kissing. He had ran off, losing the movies in the process and then I had ran after him, probably losing Bobby in the process. I just wanted to explain to him what had been going on. But I guess I kind of had to figure out just what exactly **was** going on.

I mean, so Bobby and me kissed. And I liked it, and I think he liked it since he started it and if he hadn't he would've pulled away, but we kind of sort of stayed that way and… deeeeep breaths, Jubilee. To simplify things, Angelo saw Bobby and me kissing. Oh, and Wolverine hates my guts. Hey! This week is going great! (Note: Sarcasm makes the world taste good.)

"Angelo!" And he's not answering and that is so **not** helping. "Angelooooo… oh! You're right here. Well, hi then." He was sitting on a stump, (ha ha, his rump was on a stump! Okay, okay back to Ange. I **can** be serious), head in hands looking rather serious. I walked over and sat down as well. He got up. So I guess our rumps wouldn't be sharing the stump then?

"Ugh," he muttered, right before he began pacing.

"Ange," I started as gently as I could. "I'm really, really sor—"

"No. Save your sorry's. Save your sympathy. Just leave me alone."

I tried to say, "Angelo, I really **am**—" but he cut me off.

"I love you. Did you know that? And I was and **am** such an idiot. I tried too hard and too much. I became too… puppy dog-like and… ugh!"

I didn't speak, but just watched him pace along the same path over and over. Words bubbled up in my mouth, but my lips couldn't seem to move. I just thought he'd get over me, ya know? It'd been like six years since the night I left and things like that go away. But, oh God, this wasn't a thing. He loved me, and I didn't love him back.

I mean yeah, so I loved him like a brother, (a stretchable brother, but what the hey). But I could never love him like that.

I got up to just do **something** with myself. And I certainly was **not **expecting what would come next.

He kissed me.

But, it wasn't even a nice kiss. If he was trying to convince me to choose him or something, this was not a kiss to do so. I mean, it was hard and angry and just so not what Bobby and I had shared only moments before. It was just so… just not right.

He pulled away and spoke fast, "What can Bobby give you that I can't? One laugh and then a goodbye? I love you, chica. What could be better than that?"

"Everything." And then there was Bobby tromping through the underbrush and striding right into the same light Angelo and I were in. I stepped out of Angelo's arms and stood back for a minute. God, the messes that seem to come my way. "I can give her everything you can't! I can give her acceptance and love and laughter that lasts more than a minute! I can give her everything **you** can't!" He edged closer to Angelo. Angelo tried to break in, but he cut him off. "Why'd she leave you six years ago never to return, huh? How come you were the first to give up and say Jubilee was dead? I never—"

I gasped aloud when Angelo's fist came out of nowhere and knocked straight into Bobby's jaw. Bobby staggered back for a moment, holding the injured side of his face, but he only staggered for a second. He charged at Angelo, catching him off guard and they both tumbled to the ground. I stood there, trying to act rationally, but my temper was definitely getting the better of me. I walked over to the tumbling pair and without a cry of warning released a bunch of sparks. The sparks did as I told and with a burst of light, Bobby and Angelo were separated, blinking rapidly and with only slightly singed clothing.

"Listen and listen well," I said in my best Emma Frost I-have-authority-voice. "Number one, if you wanna go and wrestle, fine by me. But please for the sake of humanity, get a room first and close the blinds. Number two, if I ever catch you two arguing over me again… there won't be a me, 'cause I'll have left. Both of you are acting like immature, pre-teen brats. If I wanted some teen drama, I'd go and watch re-runs of Dawson's Creek." (Joey definitely should have picked Dawson!) "Neither of you is on my 'people-I want-to-date- list', so get over it!"

Throwing my hands into the air, I walked away and didn't look back. Guys, can't live with 'em and can't kill 'em either. Not to mention of course that neither could be on my 'list' since that list was only meant to have three people on it anyway. (Heath Ledger, Hugh Jackman, and the very handsome Viggo Mortensen) so VIP's only!

Only, well… I **would** have cleared any of those three names for Bobby. I just guess some things aren't meant to be. But then, why did my tears start to fall and not stop? Why was my heart aching and tearing into two jagged pieces?

I sighed and made way for my own personal solitude. I didn't know where I could **exactly** find that, but if I didn't find it soon, I knew I was gonna go insane.


	9. Leaving?

It isn't so easy. Oh, what isn't so easy you might ask? It isn't so easy to get a friggen ounce of peace and quiet in a mansion full as the moon on All Hollow's Eve! (Wait, the moon isn't always full on Halloween, right? Ah, who cares)? Anyway, yeah, you'd think that a mansion that's like eighteen bus lengths long would have one room empty for God's sake. Apparently, people didn't feel like leaving any room empty for God's sake **and** mine.

Remy and Rogue were in the Rec room. And when they're in the Rec room… you don't want to be in any part of it. I think many people know why, but for the little kiddies out there… well, I'll just leave that to your imagination. Beast was actually out of his lab for once sleeping on the living room couch. Hard to watch TV with his huge snores beating out any amount of sound waves coming from the television set. Besides, I didn't want to wake him up. He works so hard as it is and he deserves a little couch nap every once and again. Other rooms were occupied as well, filled with as many as two or three people or just a lone solitary person who wanted the same thing I did except they had happened to get there first. Hard competition in these parts.

So I went and tried outside of the mansion. I went to the pool, the (eighteen) gardens, the garage, the lake, etc., etc. But it was all to no avail. It seemed like every single X-man and X-woman had decided to group into two or split into one and forge their own way for the day. Which would be no problem on any other day. But today… they had to pick today of all days. I mean, couldn't they have just grouped together like they usually did and pick one location? I wanted aloneness, damnit!

Well, just my luck, eh?

Finally, I gave up. I found my way back inside the immense mansion, trudged up the wooden stairs and headed towards my room. The stairwell was empty, and just about the only place that was. Too bad I wasn't the only person who had decided to head towards my room. Two other people got there first. Two people whom I really did not feel like seeing at that moment in time. But I guess I didn't have a choice.

"Jubilee!"

"Chica!"

The steps. They seemed endless as I struggled with my heavy bag. But I went swiftly instead of slowly and raced down them quick enough. My feet seemed to zoom before my eyes. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Yeah. They had fought again. Over me.

It was just so stupid and frustrating and annoying! We were supposed to be older than that stupid stereotypical stage in our lives where their voice is changing and hair is growing in places that hair should never be. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being fought over like I was a possession.

I yelled again and they stared at me like I wasn't even in the room. Like the possession couldn't even have a say in who possessed me. Ugh, I couldn't take the drama. And before they could stop me I was packing again. I don't even know what I took with me. The packing was a blur and before they could stop me, I stomped out of the room. Someone was following me, but I didn't care. I was too busy being stubborn to give a damn.

"Jube." It was Ange. Figures. He swiveled me around gently and went to take my bag.

I sniffed, fighting back the tears that threatened to make me a sobbing mess and held my bag tighter to my chest. "Do you understand what you just did?" I bit my lip, and as much as I didn't want the next words to come out as a sob, they did anyway. "Why, Ange? Why'd you have to go and ruin the one thing that wasn't slipping away?" I paused, looked at him for a moment and then spit out harsh words. "Do you really hate me that much? Do you really want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life?"

"Jubilee, I never said that! All I said was I wanted you. Because I love you and he couldn't possible love you as much as I do."

"Did you ever stop and think that just for a moment that I… I don't want you? And did you maybe stop and realize that if you love someone you set him or her free? If you really loved me and if you really cared about our relationship you'd want me to be happy. But you don't, Angelo! All you care about is yourself and because of that I'm leaving. And Bobby won't love me. Because he won't get the chance to love me." I dropped my luggage and leaned closer. "And guess what… you won't get a chance to love me either. So just as long as your happy, Ange. 'Cause that's all that matters anymore!" I picked up my bag and swiveled around violently. I continued down more steps, possibly more quickly than my first flight. As I reached the door, walked through and closed it, the world seemed to stop. I set down my bag and sat as well. I was waiting for my cab, but at the same time, I wasn't.

My heart was hammering and I had just been through what seemed like a week in about an hour and a half. I had been in the 'get ready, go' position and then suddenly it felt like the world was at a stand still. I sat there, gazing at the green leaves that would so suddenly turn orange or red or yellow in about a week's time. Sometimes things seem so constant and then they're suddenly ripped away. And they never come back the same. Nothing ever stays the same.

And even though time seemed like it was stopped, I still felt like I had just been there, ya know? It felt like I had just stood there with my suitcase and contemplated whether to knock on that big wooden door or not. It felt like Jean's bosom had just suffocated me. It felt like Bobby had just –

Bobby.

I slumped, my back going from straight to curved in a matter of moments. I cradled my head in my hands and just tried to stop thinking. I looked up and around and down trying to just think about the weather. Because thinking of anything else just made me want to cry.

It was then when I heard the door open. I assumed it was Ange right away and didn't say anything, but only slumped further down. "Someone once told me that sitting like that stunts growth." I looked up, shocked as anything to see Bobby. Yes, Bobby Drake standing before me. He smiled at me gently and stood there. I didn't stand, nor did I reply. There was no helping it now, because I was leaving and he couldn't change that. And I couldn't help but be just a little bit bitter about it.

"You don't have to go Jubilee."

"Oh, but I do, Bobby. I love both of you, sure in different ways, but it's love all the same. And I won't stand it for two people I love to fight over me like I'm a possession. As much as I dislike Ange right now, he's the only best friend I have left in this world. And as much as I don't dislike you right now, I can't stay and chose you over Angelo."

I could see my cab start to appear from somewhere down the long driveway and I got up. I stood face to face with Bobby. Well, not face-to-face since he was a bit taller than me, but you get the idea. I took my hand and held it in front of his face. (No, I wasn't gonna strangle him.) I took my hand and starting at his forehead and well… I traced his face.

You might think it a little strange, but it felt right and I wanted to remember his face. I hadn't remembered packing pictures. At least I think I hadn't remembered.

So with my eyes were closed, I began to feel his eyebrows, his eyes and eyelashes, his nose, his cheeks, his sideburns, his chin, and lastly his mouth. When I opened my eyes, he was standing there with his eyes closed as well. I closed my eyes in return and he reached forward the same as I had and started opposite where I had started. Even though he had started at my chin and up, he also left my mouth last.

When I opened my eyes, my taxi was in front of the steps and waiting. "Ma'am," the driver called. "You ready to leave?"

"Just a sec," I hollered back. Before I picked up my elephant of a luggage, I leaned forward and kissed Bobby for what seemed like was going to be the last time. It was a home-run kind of kiss. Hands on the face, hands in the hair, no breath for as long as possible. Our noses seemed to just miss each other and our mouths just seemed to mold together.

I let go first, grabbed my suitcase, handed it to the driver, and we drove off.

I didn't look back. Not once.


	10. Past, Present, and Future

**A/N: Well guys and girls, this is it. This is the final chapter in the Walking Backward in Heels, Reflections, and Failing to Remember series. (Yeah, it doesn't have a creative series name, so sue me.)**

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Thank you to ever reviewer, especially the ones who reviewed throughout the whole thing! You all are amazing and your comments mean more than you know. As relieved as I may be that this story is over, I had an amazing time writing it.

**And for the last time, I do not own the X-men.**

* * *

"Wait!"

With my ticket and carry-on in hand and with my luggage on it's way to the plane, I was ready to board. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I was forced to turn around and look at the approaching figure. It was Ange. He was out of breath when he finally reached me. He closed his eyes and leaned on a nearby chair for support.

"Jeez chica, you're a hard someone to catch!"

I dropped my carry-on bag on top of the chair next to where he was leaning, the sound of metal and plastic clanging filling the air around us. As I looked down at him, I tried my best to feel angry and look it too. But it was so hard to act angry when all I could do was hope that somewhere in that great big heart of Ange's was forgiveness.

I know, it sounds stupid, but even though I wasn't sorry, he still had to forgive me and not the other way around. Even though I hadn't done anything but yell and cry… I had to be forgiven for not loving him. I couldn't do anything about it, but ever since those six years past, he hadn't gotten over me. And a person, no matter what they say, has to forgive a person that refuses their love.

Lord, I hope that all made sense. But even more so, I had hoped he would be there to tell me it was okay. I shouldn't have had to wait and that's what had made me feel so angry. But I waited because I love him. In a different way than how he wanted me to love him, but love all the same. If he was here to tell me it was okay to be with Bobby… then everything could be good again; or… almost good.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I acted so stupid and stubborn and adolescent and and –"

"Ange."

"…and obsessed and stupid and…"

"Ange…"

"…and like a moron and like a stupid…"

"ANGE!"

He gave me a sheepish grin and locked eyes with me. "Yeah?"

"You said stupid already." He looked at me in disbelief, as if he didn't know I had forgiven him the minute he walked into my view. "I'm kidding. Ange, I love you like the brother I never had and you mean so much to me. Just, you… you have to forgive me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't love you like you love me. No matter what you say… I know you still hold a grudge against me for it. You need to let that grudge go if I'm gonna stay at the X-mansion for good. More importantly, you need to let the grudge go for us to stay friends."

He looked down for a moment and it was like I could see the thoughts forming on his face. When he looked up, he didn't have to say a word. Just by looking at his face I knew what the answer was. Without warning, I reached forward and wrapped him into the tightest hug I could muster. And the only thing that made it even more perfect were the layers of skin he wrapped around me.

I was going home.

* * *

"Knock knock?"

I was at Bobby's door. It was the first thing I did after walking in from the car trip home. I didn't even drop off my luggage in my room. The minute I walked through the door, I dropped it right where I stood, threw Ange a smile and ran to Bobby's room. I just assumed he would be there.

You know what they say about assumptions? It applied here completely. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me (assume). I loved using it on other people and it never failed to make me laugh. Let's just say this was the first time I was not laughing.

He wasn't in his room. It kind of daunted me, but I didn't give up so easily. Please! He had to be in the X-mansion somewhere, and wherever he was… I was going to find him. I looked… I looked everywhere. When my search dwindled down to searching the library, I knew he couldn't be home. I mean, when would Bobby be in the library besides **having** to be there? But none of that was the point. Bobby could have been in the library reading Shakespeare for all I cared. As long as he had been where I could have found him. But he was nowhere and I felt like crying and punching something at the same time. (Wow, multitasking Jubilee. What has the world come to?)

Without overreacting, (I figured he'd be back later), I decided to relax a little. God knows I needed to relax and get a few things off of my mind. So I changed and when I got downstairs— well… relaxing didn't quite happen.

"Jubilee?"

"Bobby?" I nearly had a heart attack as I heard him call my name. He had been standing in the main foyer as I had been coming down the stairs. It appeared he had just gone out and had just walked back in, unaware of course that I was home.

I ran down the steps, almost as quickly as I had before with my luggage. At the end, I paused briefly before launching myself into his arms. I didn't ask any questions before doing so. Just me, Jubilee, without heed jumping into his arms. Except they weren't as wide opened as I had hoped.

He didn't return the hug.

I guess, I mean… he had looked happy enough standing in the foyer and everything. He had smiled sincerely enough and I swear he had laughed genuinely enough as I came barreling down the steps. But when I was in his arms, he didn't put his arms around me. He didn't return the hug. Backing away, I scanned his expression, searching for a possible answer. He looked away from my interrogating stare, focusing on the wooden floor. "What's going on, Bobby?"

Sharply looking up from the floor, he finally looked me in the eye. "It's Logan, Jubilee… he's – "

I cut him off. Sharply, I said, "I don't want to hear it." Anger was radiating through my body. Bobby hadn't even been happy to see me, or at least that's what I had assumed. (ASS U ME!) And it was all Logan's fault. My anger at Logan for him needing me seemed to morph my body from placid and happy to rough and mad.

"Jubilee, he needs you."

"And how many times did I need him? Even after he flung me across a bar and into a wall, he wasn't there. The relationship we had is over! **He** even said it himself." I started to walk away; through with anyone needing me but myself, but Bobby gently took my arm.

"Not everyone knows what's best for themselves. I mean, look at you and that scum bag Jimmy Winters!"

Swifter than the crack of lightning during a thunderstorm, I slapped Bobby across the face. He sucked in his breath, his hand automatically going to his cheek. Abruptly, he let go of my arm. "You know nothing about my relationship with Jimmy **or** Logan! So just let me be."

"I'm not going to let you be," he said softly. "Because I love you too much. And even if you deny it, Logan does and always will love you too."

Silence followed. I looked at him, staring at the face I had only memorized with my hands a short while ago and my anger slowly began to die away. I wasn't going to admit or show the disappearance of my anger, though. I sighed and unconsciously lightened my stern face. I turned to walk away and as my back turned, I softly asked the question: "Where is he?"

* * *

His eyes were bloodshot. It was obvious to the human eye that he hadn't slept for days, maybe longer. He had stopped shaving, everyday stubble inevitably grown out to a misshapen and unfamiliar beard. His thick and unruly hair was grown too and looked quite shaggy to me. Let's just say it wasn't as much of a pretty picture as the old one.

"Go away," he had croaked out as soon as I closed the door. "No one's here."

"That's not how I see it," I whispered, edging closer to his slumped figure. Sitting down, as close as I thought might be okay, I faced him. He looked at me, but I could tell he really didn't see me. He looked blank, as if he were in an unbreakable daze.

But, as life has frequently taught me, nothing is unbreakable. A woman I knew, who seemed as unbreakable as the Titanic had once appeared, had broken once, twice, maybe three times. But she was born time after time, seeming to blaze with fire and strength every time she rose. Another person I knew, often called One Eye, taught me that while no enemy could break him, losing his wife could. Another man, the man made of steel, avoided bullets and anything that could harm him physically just by barely moving at all. But that man was still fragile, unprotected and breakable when it came to a little girl. And another woman I knew, the Weather Witch of my time who was as beautiful as freshly fallen snow in a wide open field; was still powerless when tiny spaces of confinement threatened to overtake her.

Disregarding people for a moment, even everlasting ties that are supposed to bind and bind forever and ever are completely breakable. Ask any divorcee or anyone who has had someone cheat on them, (me!).

My point is, even though Logan's giant block on the whole world, (more-so a block of me), seemed impenetrable, everlasting and unbreakable, it couldn't be. Nothing, no matter how strong it or they seemed to appear, was still unbreakable.

I just sat with him the first time I visited. I didn't say a thing. There was a possibility he hadn't even known I was there, sitting across from him in Indian-style fashion just looking into his seemingly dark eyes. There was no light shining from that broken man the first time I went, but I could have sworn there was light the second time around. Sure, that may have been success attributed to the new lamp I had brought with me. But even without the lamp, I'm almost positive that the light that was shining from within would still have been there.

I kept going back to the place Logan had claimed as his own. I found him in the same position every single time, hunched over and seemingly staring into the space before him. He never acknowledged me and my presence, but I knew that one day… one day soon, he would snap out of whatever daze he was in.

It was hard though, to keep going back there after realizing it was me who had put him there. I got scared from time to time, wondering if his daze was a result of him, **himself** being broken. If that was the case and he was broken, that meant I had broken him… and I took it kind of hard. Because even though he had turned down our friendship and even though he had thrown me into a wall, I still loved him. I know him better than anyone he's ever met, even Kitty. I am his lifeline and a lifeline can get mad at another person, but a lifeline cannot shut out someone for good, even if the lifeline is hardly needed. I guess that was the difference between Wolverine and me. He could shut out the world and shut down his emotions if he wanted to, probably the result of living nearly two hundred years. For me, shutting everything off was not an option. So I could be mad and I could claim hate and everything that goes along with hate, but in reality, there isn't any more room for hate in my heart. I had enough room for hurt, sadness, and pain, which he had brought, but not enough room for hate.

The weeks I visited Logan were hard as hell on my emotional state. And along with me not speaking to Bobby… well, let's just say I was in a lot of pain. I wanted to fix things, but was too embarrassed to even look at him. I wouldn't have been surprised if Bobby never spoke to me again. So, even though I was ready to throw the towel in, I kept on going back.

There was a day though, that I'll never forget. I was sitting with Logan, and I swore he was really looking at me for the first time in weeks. I moved closer; the world seemed to stop and only consist of those agonizing seconds where I reached out and touched his hand. His great body flinched, but he didn't move away from me. Tears gathered in his eyes and without waiting another second, I threw my body forward. He gripped me tighter than he has ever gripped me before and we sat there, crying and laughing and smiling.

He croaked out some words, "I'm sorry. I love ya more than—" But I cut him off.

"I know, and I love you too."

And suddenly it didn't matter that Bobby and I weren't talking. It didn't matter Jimmy Winters had cheated on me. It didn't matter that Sabertooth had kidnapped me and had nearly killed me. All that mattered was the feeling that maybe failing to remember hadn't been the worst thing in my life. Maybe failing to remember was one thing that pulled my past and present and future together leaving no room to think of what should have or could have been… all that mattered was what was and is. I might have walked backward in heels to find it, and reflected more often than not, but failing to remember is what brought me to where I was meant to be.

The End.

(Finally)


End file.
